Alexandre - A Fragment

17 March 1828

I have managed to hide what I am from my dear William for just over a year now, but as was expected, my secret has been discovered.

...

“Alexandre…” A light touch upon my hand. So we were back to formalities were we? Fine then, I had mastered that art a long time ago and was willing to play this little game.

“Yes, Mr. Bennett?” He was stung, I could feel it. The touch was gone. A triumph and a tragedy for me all at once.

“Emile…” I flinched, not having expected that. Why did he have to insist on calling me that when he knew very well I didn’t like it? I hated him for it just as I loved him. Arms twined round my waist and I did nothing to hinder them but gave no response to the motion.

“I don’t care what you are or what you do… you are so very important to me and I don’t want to lose that.”

The words of one so young as he, who did not understand. He had to know. I had turned in his embrace and my lips were at his ear whispering that he needed to know everything and before I could stop myself or he could make a move my fangs had pierced the flesh of his neck and I was drawing his blood out of him. Sweet and so gently forced, he melted in my arms as I held him against me, the sheer ecstasy of such an embrace threatening to overwhelm me. I did not take much, though I longed to, and when I pulled back he reeled a moment in silence.

“Emile, I still don’t care.” Defiant to the last.

In that moment I knew for sure that my heart was no longer my own.

Rainy Sunday

The mall usually wasn’t quite so busy on a Sunday. Of course, it wasn’t as if I was normally one of the human throng either. Being around that many people felt claustrophobic, but today the house seemed even more oppressive than usual and considering it was pouring outside, it seemed the best escape. I regretted the decision almost as soon as it was made, but there was no turning back once inside the doors. I was already wet enough and I could feel the water slowly creeping up the hems of my jeans. Dry off, just stay long enough to dry off. There was, of course, the added factor of not really having any money to spend on extras but there was nothing wrong with window shopping. I had gotten far to used to it by now. Now, more than ever, I longed to make an impulse buy, or four. A book, a game, some shoes that didn’t make my feet hurt. Anything to add something novel in my life. I knew it was impossible though. Rent was due soon enough, and the electric bill, and all the other nagging responsibilities of the everyday that no one in their right mind wants to face.

I moved away from the doors where the perpetual humidity tried to force its way in each time someone hurried in from the damp outside, and let myself be picked up by the current of humanity and be carried along. I let the old couples and mothers pushing strollers guide my steps. At least in this way, I didn’t have to think much and that was nice sometimes, far to nice. That gentle numbness, not having to worry about every little thing, those greater concepts that fueled the world but which frightened at the same time. Everything us mere mortals could and couldn’t understand. Those obedient drones. Seemed so many of these people had lost the ability to think for themselves and I always hated them for it.

Maybe, they knew something I didn’t.

Without even realizing how I had gotten there, I found myself passing the coffee shop. Carefully wading to the edge of the river I took pearch at the corner of the shop and checked my wallet. Ten bucks. No extras I tried to remind myself, but this was different. I needed it. I used to hate coffee but over the years it had become my close friend, supporter, and terror. Forget cigarettes, drugs, sex. My addiction was to everything caffeine. At least I could pretend that it wasn’t that. I could only imagine myself in a Twelve Step Program trying in vain to wean myself off caffeine, sneaking a cola or those damn mints in the back room while I put on a brave face in the group circle. Well, it wouldn’t be any different than the rest of my life, now would it? Lying, was far to easy a thing.

Fine, coffee. Not as if I could have said no anyway. At least there wasn’t a line. Just plain, regular coffee, none of that fancy stuff that cost five dollars with mounds of caramel and whipped cream on the top. More of a dessert than a drink really. Still, it always took me a few minutes to get mine just right. Cream and sugar had to be varied depending on what type they were offering. Or, maybe I’m just far to picky for my own good. I knew I shouldn’t drink to much coffee on an empty stomach so I got a beef pasty out of the bakery too even though I knew I shouldn’t. This was just a day for deveation. No good for my health, but I was already to far gone to care to much. Treasures in hand, now came the task of escaping back out into the mall. More like walking into traffic if you ask me. Turning against the flow I managed to weave my way to an empty bench and sit down so I could eat. I hate people watching almost as much as I hate people, but at least I had something else to concentrate my attentions on. The pasty was nice and hot, and the last thing I wanted to do was drop it. To bad I forgot napkins. It seemed like kids gone wild day. They went streaking and screaming past me like they hadn’t seen open space before. I honestly couldn’t remember what it was like to be that young. I hated kids, so stupid all of them. But they had ignorance as their excuse and it was hard to blame them for things they couldn’t yet know.

Well, usually. Today I could make an exception. It would be so easy to just stick my foot out and send one of them flying… No, no, bad idea.

Sesha I - An Abandoned Concept, Part 2

"For the last time, no." Elanoen said, voice soft but carrying that terse tone that it only did when he was becoming frustrated. Cherasesha knew when to be careful, knew from long experience just how far he could push his Father before it was to far. He had given his Father a myriad of good reasons so far as to why he should be allowed to go with him to the Weyr, but nothing seemed to move the man and he was running out of options and time.

"Please..." He gently pleaded once more, following his Father as he moved about the infirmary. Elanoen had been working when he son had come to him. The boy had been bothering him about this for nearly a week now, and so far, he had yet to give in. He knew how much his son wanted to travel with him to the Weyr, but he knew so very well what his wife would say to that. She would have both their hides and it was that danger he tried to get his son to understand. Cherasesha, however, hadn't been deterred and Elanoen was loosing his resolve. Unlike many families, theirs was based upon the strength of will. Between the four of them, whoever was the strongest usually got their way.

But none of them could stand up to Audra.

Elanoen hadn't quite known what he was getting himself into when he had married the woman. But she had been the daughter of the Hall leader, how could he have turned her down? And she had been so very beautiful. She still was, despite her iron fist. He had had so many plans for himself, nearly all of which had never come to fruition after his marriage. He was no longer the man he was, and he hardly ever noticed anymore.

"Papa please..." Cherasesha's voice pulled him back to the present and he looked over. Hazel eyes met hazel eyes and he couldn't help but feel pity for his son. Though he did not hate his life, it was not everything he had wanted it to be, everything that it should have been... And he knew, that would be his sons fate as well. Audra was already searching through the promising young girls in the Hall, looking for one with the same temperament as her own, to join Cherasesha with. He knew very well his son's personality was soft, like his own, and he would be left with nothing.

Cherasesha had taken his Fathers arm, holding himself close to the man in the same way he had done when he was little and had wanted attention or to be picked up. Things were different now though, and he and his Father had grown slightly apart. He had never wanted that to happen, but it seemed he had so little control over things anymore. And he wanted this so very badly. Just one more chance, just one to see the dragons again and then he would be content. He swore to himself that he would never ask for anything else ever again. His eyes shone, speaking much of what his heart was feeling inside and he could read the emotion emanating from his Fathers as well. In so many ways, they were the same. He truly was his Fathers son.

Cherasesha was about to speak again when Elanoen very gently placed two fingers over his sons lips, silencing him in the same way he used to do when the boy had been younger. He was silent a moment as he tried to gather his thoughts. He truly did want to give Cherasesha this chance. It was what he felt in his heart was right, but so many years of being in the iron grip of his wife had worn away his resolve.

"I know how much you want this Sesha, and I want to be able to give this opportunity to you, but your Mother..." He sighed.

Cherasesha very gently took his Father's wrist and moved his hand away so he could speak. Normally, he never would have dared, but this was different. His voice remained soft, hardly more than a whisper.

"I promise Papa, I'll never ask you for anything ever again. Just this once, just once before my next birthday. I'll have new duties then and I'll never have a chance to leave. Please..." He was in total earnest, and the despair he was feeling must have been quite clear in his eyes as his Father's own took on a pained look. Cherasesha held his breath, just waiting for his Father to tell him no.

The answer he got took him totally by surprise.

"I'll think about it."

The boys eyes widened and he threw his arms around his Fathers neck, giving the man a squeeze the likes of which he hadn't done since he was much younger. Cherasesha knew his Father, and an 'I'll think about it' was far better than anything he could have hoped for. There was still a chance, and a good one now, that he would be journeying to the Weyr.

And he could hardly wait.